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Isabella Ednos
10 September 2010 @ 01:19 am
Intake

+150~ fresh salad, 3 oz fat free italian dressing

-1800~ (burned) working/walking after work

+2 lax

total: -1650
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Current Location: patty's couch
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
 
 
Isabella Ednos
09 September 2010 @ 05:09 pm
hw: 176
sw: 176
lw: 139
gw1: 160
gw2: 150
gw3: 139
gw4: 130
gw5: 120

cw: 168.5

that's down 7.5 lb in the past four days. you can see how long it's been since i let myself go.
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Current Location: patty's couch
Current Mood: coldcold
 
 
Isabella Ednos
09 September 2010 @ 05:01 am



intake

+210   /chicken enchilada
-210   /chicken enchilada in bathtub drain
+300   /a couple vodka cranberries
+200~   /unknown mixed drink

totals +500 ish, sat on my ass all day so I HIGHLY doubt I burned any of it off at all.
 
 
Current Location: patty's couch
Current Mood: moodymoody
Current Music: marianas trench
 
 
Isabella Ednos
08 September 2010 @ 03:52 pm


Today I woke up with laxatives in full effect.

Today I'm going to buy a secret stash of them so that my roommates don't notice.

Today I'm going to buy a secret scale, too, because they are forbidden in this haus.

Today I'm starting with coffee and tonight my mom wants me to have dinner with the family (she's making chicken enchiladas just for me) but I think I can get by with half an enchilada on the reasoning that I have been sick. It has been a few years since she's had to watch me eat so she won't be automatically suspicious anytime soon.

Also tonight I have band practice, which usually means lots of smoking (cigarettes and other) and drinking heavily (usually beer, but if I drink tonight I'm going to attempt to keep it lo-cal, like cranberry vodka or something).

I don't know about exercise today. We have one crappy machine here and I never feel like it's working me enough, but I can't afford a gym membership. My old apartment was great--full 24-hour fitness center on grounds, membership included in rent.

I'm spending my first few awake hours watching Robin Hood on BBC and drinking loads of coffee. That should keep my belly thinking it's full through dinner.

intake/cw later
 
 
Current Location: patty's couch
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: james taylor
 
 
Isabella Ednos
08 September 2010 @ 12:49 am
Gradually over the last three years (exactly three years, since I went to college), I have gained 37 pounds.

CW: 176

I am a binge alcoholic. This is going to be hard.

I love healthy foods. I love emptiness more.

I love elliptical machines.

I get exercise at work (applebee's).

I weigh nearly the same as my skinny-ass boyfriend. But he is like, a foot taller than me.

I miss getting looked at. When I wear a short skirt or a revealing top, I'm just an average chubby girl in a short skirt or all people can see are my overlarge boobs. I'd rather be the girl whose legs are so skinny you almost don't want her to wear a skirt that revealing because you can see her awkward knobby knees and you think she might break her legs if she crosses them wrong. I'd rather be flat-chested if it means instead you notice the precise shape of my sternum and you don't want to hug me too hard because my clavicles just might cut you.

I looked good in my 130's, but that's never going to be enough. So instead of losing just the weight I gained in recent years, I'm aiming for lower. lower. lower!

I'm looking for the face I had before the world was made, and if it's anywhere underneath this gelatinous padding of fat that has encompassed my once-visible body, I will find it.

I'm going to quit drinking my weight in beer and wine calories every damn night. Pot's better anyway, once you defeat the road block that tells your brain that you are hungry even when you're not. No problem.

I'm going on a very low-calorie diet and I have no intention of being particularly careful about my vitamins, etc, just saying so that I don't start this under any false pretenses. Maybe a salad at work every day and a cup of yogurt at night.

Laxatives almost killed me a few years ago, but I definitely just popped a couple. Like I said, no false pretenses.


today

intake: 80 (yogurt) + 0 (miscellaneous)

burned: 750~ (working)
Tags: ,
 
 
Current Location: patty's couch
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: doctor who
 
 
 
Isabella Ednos
24 June 2008 @ 05:39 pm
to losing weight.

Working full time as a waitress and having good sex every day.

Not kidding. I have not changed my eating habits AT ALL and I have lost 19 pounds in the past month.

I entered a race with my two best friends to lose 15 pounds in two weeks. I'm winning.

I started at 145.


CW: 137

more than halfway there and it has only been five days, so I think my chances of winning are pretty good.

And I am starting to feel comfortable walking around my boyfriend's house in my panties and bra. Most of my excess weight right now is leg and ab muscle from working 10 hours every night. I'm a server at Waffle House. And yes, I do eat greasy Waffle House food. Every day. Twice a day. Because it's free and I'm too poor for groceries. And I'm still losing weight. Lots of it.

Yay for sex!
 
 
Isabella Ednos
06 November 2007 @ 02:55 am
So, I remember the days when I could see my hip bones.



Yeah.... I want that back, and better.
 
 
Isabella Ednos
05 November 2007 @ 08:54 pm
Of course the most amazing thinspo is pictures of myself over the summer, during a time when I still believed I was a fatass. I am a fatass, obviously, but looking at those pictures make me wonder what was going through my head because I would give anything to  be back at that point.

My weight is in a range from 148-155 right now. My scale is a shitty piece of... shit, so I am not 100% sure. EVER. Right now I want to lose like 25 pounds, which is just a bit more weight than what I have gained since moving to college.

Now that that's out of the way, I have also decided to make this journal a place for thoughts I can no longer express on my personal LJ because of the people reading. Not about my weight, but about everything.

Like Chris. One of my best friends who has absolutely no idea. About anything. Yet when I blog about this fact, I don't care if he reads it, Ashley reads it. Ashley is three or four years older than us and when she reads things like that she thinks I am just being childish and need to get over it. Well, I would LOVE to say she is wrong. I am not being a baby. I am not just "not out of my high school phase yet," as she loves to describe it. I am being serious. I worry about Chris. How is he going to make it in life the way he lives? He won't get anywhere and Ashley is censoring me to a point where there is no way to make him see what he is doing to himself, though I'm not positive he would even care if I ever did manage to get the point across. I'll probably write more later, but right now I am in desperate need of a cigarette (and math homework--ew!).

PEACE.
 
 
Current Location: Freddy computer lab
Current Mood: coldcold
 
 
Isabella Ednos
07 October 2007 @ 12:44 pm
i'm not sure who i am apologizing to.
it could be myself, though i honestly don't feel like i deserve an apology.
it could be the disease, which wouldn't surprise me.
but it's probably all my friends from LJ.
i'm sorry to the people who looked up to me this summer when i could go days without eating, eat a sandwich, throw it up, and go another few days. when i was only 15 pounds from my goal weight.
i'm out of control.
20 pounds in 7 weeks.
let's reverse it.
help me. 
 
 
Isabella Ednos
12 September 2007 @ 11:56 am
So,  two days before I left for college, I weighed 144. The day I left, I weighed 138. Now, not even a month later, I just weighed myself at a staggering, disgusting 149.
I
want
to
die.
This is so gross. I have to get that back. And more. Better.

today:
b- Marathon Energy Bar (220), 15 oz. Orange Juice (110)
will update
 
 
Current Music: motion city soundtrack- broken heart